Thoughts 💭

I’ve been told a few times recently that people think that I am confident. Which is fucking hilarious to me because I feel like I’m going through a period of serious lack thereof.

I struggle accepting compliments (always have)—I blush, look down, and do what I can to change the subject. It’s uncomfortable—which is another reason I don’t see myself as a confident person. In my view, if someone is confident, they don’t mind the compliments, they may even like them. Which is perfectly acceptable. But it’s just not me.

Upon receiving this information a few times and being confused and somewhat alarmed, what did I do? I listened to a podcast. ‘Cause that seems to be my go to solution these days. 😅

And what I realized is I’m not confident. I’m self-assured. Which, I KNOW, ｌｉｔｅｒａｌｌｙ has confidence in the definition—but I’m working on redefining confidence for myself and self-assured feels more authentic.

When I say I’m self-assured, I don’t mean that I know everything about myself. I also don’t mean that I love myself all the time or am proud of everything I do. What I do mean is that I’ve figured out who I am…to an extent. There’s always more to discover, but here’s where I’m at.

⁃ I know what I’m passionate about.

⁃ I know my strengths.

⁃ I also know my weaknesses—and who to go to for those things I’m not able to do on my own.

⁃ I know what my triggers are and how to work with my body, mind, and soul when they arise.

⁃ I know what makes me unique—and I’m learning to love each and every trait.

⁃ I’m learning that I’m ＨＵＭＡＮ and I will fuck shit up sometimes.

⁃ And I know that at the end of the day, everything—including this physical body—is impermanent. So worrying about the past or dreading the future only destroys my present. Which is all I really have.

So, am I able to say I’m confident, absolutely not. But I am able to say I know myself and I work really fucking hard to love her each and every single day. ✌🏼